Chinese mother-in-law part 2: the domestic front

So we’ve established that my Chinese mother-in-law (CMIL) believes strongly that women, particularly those married to her sons, should not be working outside the home. As you might guess, I am in her good graces at the moment, seeing as how I am engaged in childcare 24-7. Well, okay, not super graces–ever since we came back from the hospital she has been pestering us to have four children. (Funny how she skipped right over three and went straight to four, right? DP thinks maybe it’s a bargaining tactic to get to three. I am thinking she is hoping we have two boys, to balance out the indignity of having two girls. But I digress.)

Various people who don’t know us remarked something along the lines of, “Oh, it’s good you have your mother-in-law there to help you.” Alas, domestic proponent though she may be, CMIL has been working in a family grocery business for 50+ years and does not cook, clean, or feel comfortable with young children. She is also older, and it really is hard for her to say, carry a baby around. So it doesn’t bother me that she is not able to really help us. What drives me batshit crazy is that she tries to make up for it by following me around the house, offering a continuous stream of “suggestions” on how to do the housework and child care that she doesn’t/didn’t do.

For example:

If I am breastfeeding, she hovers over my shoulder and peers down my chest, murmuring, “Is the baby getting enough milk? Are you sure? I don’t think the baby is getting enough milk. Can she breathe? Make sure her nose doesn’t get covered up. Is she getting enough milk?”
And if she sees milk on the baby’s face, she reaches over the boob and wipes the baby’s face with a tissue.

There was one time when I was desperate for a nap (DP was out with PJ) and asked her to hold the baby for just 20 minutes so I could close my eyes. She came back within 5 minutes, informing me that there was some sort of lint or skin on the baby’s eyelid, and I needed to go get a washcloth, wet it with warm water, and clean it off right away. After I followed her instructions, she then handed the baby back and said, “Oh, by the way, I think MJ pooped.” then proceeded to tell me what I was doing wrong in how I changed her diaper.

I almost lost it right there, but Confucius be proud of me*, I did not. It did get better, when CMIL started to learn how to play with PJ. Up until now, her mode of interaction with our toddler also consisted of…giving suggestions. (Wipe your nose, drink your water, pull up your socks, is it time for your nap yet?) And she offered to do the dishes.

My parents arrived, so now CMIL only comes to visit on the weekends and she doesn’t follow me around the house if other people are here.

When I think about it, I suspect that CMIL is especially adamant about mothers staying home because she feels guilty that she was not a SAHM herself. If anything, I’m a little bit sad for her that she can’t just be proud of what she is good at– running a grocery store. Yes, she can only cook only one or two palatable dishes, her house is a disaster, and she hasn’t done her own laundry in years. I’m not interested in her opinions on how to go about breast feeding, which she never did.
But, working 12+ hour days, 7 days a week, she managed to raise a mighty fine son. I’d much rather find out how she did that.

*Okay, fine, Confucius would highly disapprove of blogging about your mother-in-law.

the long repressed post: my Chinese mother-in-law

For those of you whose inboxes have been inundated over the years with stories about my Chinese mother-in-law (CMIL), I will cut to the chase and say that I just felt compelled to report that DP made an unfortunate tactical error the other night. He was sick and tired and thus caught off guard when his mother called:

CMIL: Sooo….what are you doing next Friday, April 13th?

Translation to CMIL-ese: I am coming to your house at an unspecified time and I assume MFM will be there to greet me, whenever that is. It may be Friday, Thursday, or Saturday.

DP: I’m going to be at work, and MFM is flying to X to defend her PhD.

Translation to CMIL-ese: Your daughter-in-law is abandoning both our child and myself, and jeopardizing the health of our unborn child, in pursuit of her questionable education activities that have contributed almost nothing to our household income for the past six years.

CMIL: (Makes some disapproving noises but I can’t tell what she’s saying because I’m simultaneously whispering in DP’s ear: You told her I was getting on a plane?? She doesn’t understand what a defense is! Or a PhD! Just tell her I’m finishing school!)

DP: It’s a short trip, she just has to finish up some things for school. (DP back to me: I didn’t know what to say! There has to be some reason that you can’t just drop everything and be at home whenever she shows up…uh, the way you usually do.)

CMIL: (More disapproving noises. MFM: Darn, you should have just said I was going to be in the city or something.)

Translation to CMIL-ese: Getting on a plane is very dangerous, she is so close to having the baby, and I don’t understand why you have let her continue with school anyways.

DP: She. has. to. finish. school. It’s going to be fine, Mom, bye.

To her credit, CMIL waited nearly 12 hours before she started calling me. It’s a reasonable assumption that from now until next weekend, she is going to call me. And call me. And call me. Until she can see me in person and confirm that I am back, still pregnant, barefoot and homebound.

Christmas Haul 2011

First Orchard by HABA

Okay, first of all, I have to do my cranky old lady bit and point out that when I was a kid, you got ONE toy for Christmas, and maybe a sweater or some socks. At the advanced age of 2, P Jr. received more presents this year than all of my childhood Christmases combined. But, I can’t really complain, since she received all these gifts courtesy of our generous relatives and friends. Santa, aka Mommy and Daddy, only bought her the one out of the entire mountain of gifts.

cousins

lots of bunnies in colour!

When I first heard that my brother-in-law (who is an only child) has only one cousin, who is estranged, it really threw me for a loop. I just didn’t get it.What did they do on holidays? Were the presents under the Christmas tree all his? [Cue in scenes of the whitest family ever from My Big Fat Greek Wedding] If so, did he play with them all by himself?

For an Asian person, I have a respectable, though not impressive, number of cousins, 27. (My mother has 63.)  Having worked out long ago that we, as adults, would not buy presents for each other, my holiday shopping was thrown for a loop this year when I suddenly realized I needed to buy something like 6 more presents for cousins’ babies, or second cousins’ babies.  It has been a very fun past few years, as it seems like there is an email announcing a new baby every month or so.  Everyone is doing it– even my work-all-day, party-all-night, lives in a nightclub-esque-bachelor-pad-in-Manhattan* gay cousin finally decided that he was getting too old and it was time to have a baby.